The Sound Of A Thousand And One Cashed

Stonerman: 9 Wishes Of The Wondrous Bubbler

Chapter 4: The Sound Of A Thousand And One Cashed Bowls {Prelude to the war of the gods Part 1}

"Why do you think you're only allowed three?"

"This isn't what I wished for."

Homer's voice is soft yet his expression says it all. Shook. Shook down to his bloody core.

"~θ Limitless cannabis has to arise from somewhere. θ~" Jihnn answers. "~θ I transported us to the world which most aligned with your wish- θ~"

The ringing in Homer's ears drowns out the Jihnn's words. On his adventures as Stonerman, Homer has experienced events that he could barely explain. Has seen things a mortal should never have to comprehend. But none of what he's witnessed has made him feel as insignificant nor uncertain as he does right now, standing in a fort that he thought he knew so well, still searching for something to say…

"What?"

Roger places a cashed bowl on the scratched coffee table in order to properly join the conversation.

"The many worlds theory." He says.

"Yeah. But how does that have anything to do with my wish?" Homer replies.

"~θ Roger's gliding down the sixth dimensional track and looping into the fifth. Millennia ago, we Jihnn agreed, there is enough room to grant three wishes per individual. But any more? The variables start to violate the universal groove. θ~"

"What in the literal fuck are you talking about?" Homer itches at his hair, clearly agitated. "If we're living in a new world then what happened to the other Homer, who was here before? Surely he's going to have some questions when he wakes up without unlimited weed."

"~θ A universal shift. A completely natural occurrence which sometimes occurs to mortals. Swapping or merging with a parallel version of yourself when necessary. It's as simple as a cosmic hiccup. Normally they take place during an extremely intoxicated or dream state. θ~"

"Nothing about that sounds natural." Homer says.

Roger scribbles in his pocket journal, he asks questions at the rate of an auctioneer...

"How would one document said cosmic hiccup? Is it possible to monitor whether someone originates from universe A or B? Is universe C affected by these events, so to speak? What of you Jihnn? Have you ever switched places with a parallel version of yourself?"

"~θ No. Another version of 'me' would certainly cause a paradox. Wouldn't it? Yes. I'm certain it would. θ~"

"So you're the only one?"

"~θ Jihnn are scattered amongst the fray of endless worlds. However, unlike mortals, our individual consciousness are bound to one body and one realm. No more. Certainly no less. Although, could our separate consciousness, our experiences, merge into one being, in a similar experience that a third dimensional mortal undergoes? Someday? In the seventh dimensional phase space? Perhaps? In which case, it's hard to say what would happen. θ~"

"Let me speak to the Homer that I've replaced. I have questions that only he can answer."

"~θ He is you. You are him. Experiencing two separate paths that lead to the same point. θ~"

"Yeah. But, can't I at least talk to him? Me? Whatever."

"~θ It is not possible to observe the actions nor converse with the paths not taken. θ~"

Homer scoffs.

"The universe comes through with lazy writing as usual. Fine. In that case, I have a wish up my sleeve. I wish that no matter what happens, the "original" timeline versions of Roger, Apollo, Steven, and Homer stick together. And never separate due to any cosmic hiccups or any other schizophrenic event."

"~θ Humorous. θ~"

"Dead serious. I want my original Roger back."

"~θ That is your Roger. Every Roger is your Roger. A single being experiencing endless realities simultaneously. You are wasting your wish. θ~"

"No. No. No. The gods were wrong. The mortals are wrong. I'm sick of these theories. Nobody has a damn clue how this universe works. I don't care if they're technically the same person. They're the Bearstrüsin versions. I need my Roger. My Steven. My Apollo. I want them to remember this version of me." Homer exclaims. "For my second wish, I want the chill crew from my original universe to stick together no matter what."

"~θ … θ~"

"Are you too closed minded to grant my wish?"

"~θ I'm open to new ideas. I'm open to old ideas. I don't tend to put a block on things. I'll grant your wish. As a fragmentation. θ~"

A light gust of wind blows, the sketchy overhead lighting sways back and forth.

"~θ Poof. Your wish fragment has been granted. θ~"

Homer looks pleased, yet slightly confused.

"So what? I still have like half a wish left?"

"~θ Yes. θ~"

"Cool. Uh, what else would you consider a wish fragment? Just for future reference."

"~θ We'll cross that bridge once we get there. θ~"

"And here we are! Welcome one and all!" Dionysus shouts into a microphone. His renowned hosting skills on full display, contagious excitement rings in his voice, yet a scowl on his face cannot hide his shame. "This week's karaoke extrav-"

"WHAT IN THE PISS ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Zeus' voice roars over Dionysus's announcement.

The entire pub drops dead silent. Not one patron dares sip on their drink, except for Apollo.

"Can't I enjoy this damn fine rendition of Amphictyonis' 1486 cocktail in peace?" Apollo replies.

"A privilege not granted to mortals. Explain yourself before begging for your return to banishment."

"First off, I'll never be no fuckin' mortal. Secondly, it's nobody's damn business how I got here. And if we're taking thirds, then let me ask you this. Where in Hades' name are the olives!? A dirty Dionysus is supposed to have olives. Are you telling me you rule over a kingdom that willingly skimps out on the fuckin' olives!?"

"You dare perverse your tongue over a matter of olives!" Lugh steps in. "Who do you think you are?"

In a drunken stupor, Apollo studies the Celtic god, but shifts his focus over to Zeus, who clenches his fist, ready to demand answers. But Apollo cannot hold his disgust any longer...

"I've meditated on what to say at this moment for two millennia. When I was first banished, I wanted to tell you to bend over so hard that you'd have to start putting your hookers on payroll to stop you from fucking yourself. Over the years, I've realized you are the most hypocritical dick socket to grace this damn universe. A pretender who spreads ideals based on his own belligerence. Someone who sucks so hard that he needed to create an entire planet filled of shitbags who'r ignorant enough to make you their king. Under your rule, these people have drowned in a pollution of pure diarrhea. A god of dumbassery unable to perceive anything beyond these walls. Let me make one thing clear above all else. No one can take the title, Apollo god of the fucking sun, away from me. Certainly not you."

Zeus' stern expression melts away with a genuine chuckle.

"Have your olives."

The king of the gods snaps his fingers, an angel plops a green olive into Apollo's drink. Lugh recoils over to the corner booth, where he rolls his eyes, and digs his glare into Apollo. Zeus calls to the rest of Lugh's angels. They present themselves to him. He passionately moans at the very idea of multiple maidens of the night servicing him. Zeus unties his pantaloons. Lugh watches from the corner, pleased that his angels were chosen. Zeus motions for one of the dozen women to join the Celtic god over in the corner.

Apollo physically cringes at what he's witnessing.

"Jesus christ." He says, smashing his drink on the ground.

"Now's not the time for conspiracy theories." Dionysus warns.

A toxic scowl sweeps Artemis' face.

"Let's get out of here."

The three head to the back exit where Apollo smashes a second glass for good measure.

Inside the Fort, Homer, Roger, and Jihnn sit exhausted. They've spent the last few hours discussing the workings of the universe, wild hypotheticals such as virtual reality, Terminator timelines, and worlds ruled by dolphins. Which leaves Homer with one question.

"Why?"

"~θ Exactly. θ~"

"No, why do you grant wishes at all?"

"~θ True chaos is the only path to true infinity. θ~"

"What?"

"~θ Long ago, the gods of Olympus saw into the future. One possible future. It's easy for one's perception to become lost when they become fixated on one singular outcome. And the gods have become hellbent on making their vision come true. One single future. One timeline. Where Zeus is the king of the universe.

Following Zeus, the gods refused to believe that us Jihnn were able to offer multiple futures. New outcomes. They rejected our wishing magic all together, slaughtering those who practiced it.

When a god made a wish, it did nothing to change the flow of time. It takes the creativity of a human to wish for a future that the universe itself hasn't already conceived. You see, without us, without you, the universe can never reach true infinity. θ~"

The colors of the wondrous bubbler shine brighter than the lava lamp glowing in the corner. Homer can't help but remember that in nature the colorful snakes are the most poisonous. No. He cannot let the universe twist something as positive as his wish into another negative. Surely there is a better way to look at all of this. But first, he needs answers.

"You said that we are one consciousness experiencing all of reality at once. Then what of evil Homer?"

"~θ Evil Homer will learn the lesson that only he can. θ~"

"Is there an evil Roger?"

"There is light and darkness in all hearts."

"In all hearts except yours?"

"~θ My heart has dreamed a quadrillion dreams. Witnessed infinite nightmares so senseless you must ask why did they ever have to occur at all. Then a one, a two, the answer is there right in front of you. θ~"

Homer once again finds himself dwelling on his thoughts. Across the room, Roger has faded out of view, he's become a silhouette inside of a wall of smoke. The fort has seen many hotboxes throughout the years, but this is the first time in this attic's history that it's maintained a consistent haze for over 48 hours.

"You guys wanna watch, "Ernest: Automata," to mellow out?" Roger interjects, stretching his cramped writing hand. "I've taken enough notes for one day."

Homer and Jihnn nod in agreement.

Roger picks out a steelbook laying in the pile of DVDs and magical bud scattered across the floor from yesterday's earthquake. He cracks it open, a tidal wave of bud shoots out like a beanstalk growing from the inside, Roger is buried beneath a mountain of ganja. He spits out a few nugs before asking...

"Does that have to happen every time?"

"~θ Limitless cannabis must arise from somewhere. θ~"

The alley behind Dionysus winery and ecstasy pub is rather quiet tonight. Which is unusual during the karaoke pre-ceremony. Since everybody on the mountain has power levels strong enough to destroy planets, the gods of Mt. Olympus view karaoke as a skill that few can achieve. Both in celebration and competition, they do not use their brawn but rather their voice. A ritual that began shortly after Lugh had arrived.

Rows of berry filled bushes surround the lush alleyway, not only to provide privacy, but they give off a sweet floral scent as well. Beautiful works of art hang across the walls, an overly detailed sculpture of a giraffe acts as a fountain centerpiece, (a rare creature of Myth on Mt. Olympus, deeply cherished by most.) And for Hades sake, even the damned trash cans are spotless, glistening under the blue fireflies that poke around.

"It's official. You're the favorite." Artemis says in a sarcastic tone.

"How?" Apollo asks.

"He didn't send you into banishment or do anything!"

"Maybe he knows what would've happened if he tried."

Both Artemis and Dionysus scoff at Apollo's ridiculous comment. But that's not the most ridiculous thing he is going to say tonight.

"Anyone want to hit this?" Apollo asks as he retrieves a thick blunt from his poncho pocket.

"Don't you dare." Dionysus barks. "Dispose of that nonsense this second. The smell alone-"

"Alright, alright."

Apollo pockets the blunt, then something occurs to him.

"Let me get this straight. Nobody has smoked weed since I was banished?"

"Except for us of course." Artemis answers with a chuckle.

A sinister grin sweeps Apollo's face. The worst of intentions pop into his head as he remembers the image of Steven's sloth-like demeanor spilling dirty bubbler water on himself.

A thunder clap echoes across the mountain. A non-orgasmic scream is heard from inside the bar.

"I didn't even light it?" Apollo questions reality.

"You've been around mortals for too long, you damned fool." Dionysus answers.

Half naked, Zeus storms out of the bar like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. His veins burst at the seams as he puts all of his wrath into words.

"There is no worse punishment I could've given you than an eternity in hell and yet you still find it in yourself to mock me?"

...

"-"

Just as Apollo starts to speak, a bolt of lightning vaporizes him. A pile of cinder and Apollo's blunt lay where he once stood. Artemis and Dionysus look to one another, neither can hide the fear from their eyes.

Zeus steps forward, his focus overwhelmed by the forbidden marijuana that lays on his soil. He picks up the blunt and tosses it into the night sky. A storm of a quintillion lightning bolts strike at a singular point and erase the marijuana cigar from existence. Now that no soul can curse the wretched marijuana back into being, Zeus worries about other matters, glaring into the eyes of Dionysus who lets out a resounding gulp of defeat.

A blinding light and rush of wind sweeps the Fort, the hotbox wisps away. Just as fast as he had left, Apollo is banished back to where he had came. Sitting in the smoke circle with his friends.

"What's up?" He asks.

"About to watch, Ernest: Automata." Roger answers.

"Where in the hell were you?" Homer wonders.

"I made a wish to visit some old friends. Just as big of assholes as ever."

Roger pops a DVD into a sphere shaped gaming system that sits on top of a beaten VCR. A colorful main menu flashes on the screen, accompanied by thirty seconds of whacky music that will loop over and over until you are either driven mad or simply press play.

"Should we watch the commentary or get straight to the movie?" Roger asks.

"Have you guys seen the bloopers yet?" Homer adds.

-ALERT!-

(Emergency! A red banner flashes across the television screen.)

Roger's Sativa-5 satellite broadcasts a live feed. A city in panic. Hordes of citizens froth at the mouth as they flee for their very lives. In the distance, a godlike speck hovers above twisted metal and burning buildings.

"Apollo, it seems one of your friends has come to repay your visit." Roger says.

"Can't they give me five freakin' seconds to get my buzz on!?"

"No time to waste." Homer jumps into action.

"Homer, there's no goddamn universe in all of existence where you walk out of this alive." Apollo says bluntly.

"With the power of the bubbler by my side, I have a chance."

"Wish the son of a bitch away right now!!" Roger shouts.

"I don't think wishing magic works as well on gods as we thought." Apollo answers.

Homer shows no fear. He takes a massive rip from the wondrous bubbler and exhales a sparkling smoke cloud that spreads across the fort like a cosmic sky.

"We've encountered gods before."

"Not all of them at once." Apollo warns. "Once my position is located, Zeus won't be far behind. Then we're truly fucked."

"If there was ever a battle that required unlimited cannabis, this is it. Jihnn, I'm ready for my second wish fragment."

🌿

A silhouette soars across the citrus rose sunset. It's a bird. It's a plane. No. It's Stonerman on a magic carpet ride. Determined eyes lie behind his green and purple domino mask. With the wondrous bubbler secured in his utility belt, a blazed hero takes flight.

The cool breeze blows unnaturally strong here. He must be getting close. This is Stonerman's chance. His chance to prove to the people of earth, to the gods, that pot and positivity will always prevail.

BAM!!!

A gust of wind so powerful it feels like a cement wall. Stonerman almost loses his footing on the soft carpet, but maintains his balance with a swift swoop-around maneuver.

Until the carpet crashes down to the dirt, Stonerman hits hard.

What's happening? It feels like the sky just fell. An invisible wall weighing more than anything he's ever felt, drags Stonerman into the soil. The hero is pinned by an invisible force, left to watch as a warrior dressed in futuristic articles of arms levitates from the sky. He wears a horned helmet, metallic mask, spiked plated sleeves, a breastplate crafted out of a red asteroid and unknown metals, as well as extravagant offensive greaves that extend out to his glimmering cuisses.

"Who in the hell is that?" Roger cannot help his curiosity.

The fort is quiet. Apollo packs another bowl of the Jihnn's magical bud. Roger types away at his keyboard, the screen switches to the Indica-7 satellite feed.

"I don't know." Apollo mutters with something clearly on his mind.

"He looks like a Shinto inspired samurai straight out of the Blade Runner universe." Roger says.

"Right." Apollo reluctantly agrees.

The unwavering assassin grips his weapon holster as he floats down to the ground. He marches directly for Stonerman's immobilized body. The force that pulls down on our masked hero creates a pressure deep inside of his ears, which muffles his hearing, like he's trapped inside of a pressurized bubble. It feels like there's a vice grip around his head that won't let go.

The god silently unsheathes his lavender lazer sword. Without a single breath, he swings down towards Stonerman's neck-

BOOOOM!! The shag carpet erupts from the dirt like a shotgun blast, completely shattering the sound barrier!

Stonerman is airborne, fleeing the scene at supersonic speed.

The armored god uses his lavender sword to slash the air to create sonic waves of pure vibration.

Razor sharp air waves blast across the sky like invisible lightning strikes.

Stonerman tries to evade attacks that he cannot see. His focus stolen by a horizontal air wave vibrating beneath his feet, the magic carpet's threads rip and tear. Vertical vibrations slash our hero's flesh, every contact creates an echo as loud as thunder, but the attacks do not leave a mark. Stonerman knows if he were any less high, each strike would cut down to the bone.

A hell storm of vibration is not enough to stop the magical hemp carpet from surfing through satan's sky like a choreographed dance.

Roger's staticky voice calls from Stonerman's earpiece...

"He se-eems to be weap-o-nizing sound wa-aves some-h-h-how."

Ducking and dodging, Stonerman can barely respond.

"What should I do?"

Behind him, hundreds of trees splinter and crack, they shatter all at once. An entire forest is cut down by pure sound energy.

Ahead, a water tower splits in two.

"Fly Stonerman, fly into space!"

Stonerman leans back, he evades the incoming flood of water. Our stoned hero sucks down a joint like a juice box as he flies up into the mesosphere. With the change in gravity, he adjusts his flight as well as appreciates how it gives every hit a new sensation. But he cannot help but worry. 'Will one more joint be enough to survive without air?'

The magic carpet zooms through the Earth's atmosphere then zips towards Jupiter.

The armored warrior is not far behind, his absolute focus on the fleeing carpet.

Deep into the Milky Way galaxy, where sound cannot travel, Stonerman switches to an offensive tactic. He turns back towards his opponent. This is no surprise to the mysterious enemy, who stops as well. Separated by an asteroid belt, both remain motionless, neither willing to make the first move.

"Even in the vacuum of space,

During the loudest eruption,

There is no escape from the faintest whisper of the god of sound."

'Oh shit.' Stonerman realizes that he can still hear the god of sound.

"Are you ready for this?!" A battle cry rings into Stonerman's ears and echoes across the galaxy.

A supersonic wave slices the magic carpet clean in two. The two halves of the carpet freeze and drift off to the acid rains of Venus. Not high enough to take flight on his own, Stonerman instead glides forward to the nearest planet, Mars. He isn't quick enough, a second sound wave tears into his flesh. This time the attack cuts deep into his skin. Stonerman is sobering up faster than usual due to the coldness of space. He uses what momentum he has left to ride against the razor sharp vibrations to drift into Mars' orbit. A super powered kick shatters a nearby asteroid to propel Stonerman forward into Mars' atmosphere. Now plummeting like a meteor.

Bleeding and free falling, Stonerman wisps through thin clouds, he crams a THC candy bar into his mouth seconds before he slams onto the sharp rocky surface. His entire body is in unbelievable pain, but when this baby kicks in, he'll be able to achieve flight on his own. Assuming he doesn't sober up before then. Now might be a good time to sneak in a quick hit.

SP-

"Grab the electric lighter from your utility belt. There's not enough oxygen to ignite that." Roger reports from Stonerman's earpiece.

Stonerman lays in a small crater, covered in red dust. He retrieves an electrical lighter from his utility belt, one that looks like an old style car lighter. He ignites the joint and inhales deeply while the god of sound patrols directly overhead.

'Thank goodness he's the god of sound and not the god of smell.'

The sound god listens intently to his surroundings while Stonerman lies perfectly still, buried in dust. Years ago he learned a breathing technique for situations like these, he silently inhales on the joint but does not exhale. He allows a small amount of smoke to escape from his mouth. Every hit grants him strength and brings relief to his wounds, but he cannot rush this. He can't risk being heard.

The sound god scans the environment with ultrasound. Mars is a quiet planet. One sound will reveal Stonerman's location. Laying in dirt, his wounds continue to heal. He can feel his strength and energy replenish, almost ready to fight. Just another rip, but maybe this one was too big. And too quick... He needs to cough... Stonerman tries his damnedest to hold back, but his lungs feel like they are about to burst. Desperate, he buries his face into the warm sand, letting out one micro, teeny, tiny, squeak of a cough against the red dirt.

The god of sound yanks his head back. Battle ready, he glides toward the crater.

"Screw this." Stonerman says.

He coughs aggressively. The chronic hero inhales on two joints at once. The marijuana cigarettes may worsen his cough, a factor becoming more difficult to deal with. But it's worth it. The gashes on his flesh melt away, replaced by muscle. The masked hero clenches his fists and they ignite into mighty green embers. Stonerman strikes with a clean uppercut, cracking the sound god's mask across the eye.

The blazing fists of Stonerman hit with pinpoint accuracy as he unleashes his signature attack. Chronic Fury: an attack that normally can only be done with the help of dabs, but thanks to the Jihnn's especially potent, magical weed, Homer can execute the move with little thought at all. Godlike punches that move fast enough to break the sound barrier on any planet. Green embers scorch the sound god's heavy armor which can only do so much for the god as he eats twelve dozen and one shots to the midsection, forced to listen to his own ribs crack in excruciating detail. At the same time, the sound god can hear the trajectory of the next incoming blow, a calculated counter would be manageable, but he cannot risk any more damage.

"Sccckrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiii!!!!"

Hypersonic energy pierces Stonerman's ears. Fifteen thousand decibels of sound force. Stonerman's earpiece short circuits and explodes in his left ear. Both of his eardrums vibrate like maracas. If he were any less baked, they would've completely shattered by now.

The scrrreeeeeaaching will not stop. Stonerman immobilized by a numb pain in his ears. Completely disoriented, he cannot see. The next thing he's able to feel is a hot laceration against his torso.

"I've lost audio communications!" Roger shouts to Apollo.

Roger rips out his earpiece and massages his left ear.

"At least we can still see what's happening through the viewing monitor."

"I'm not sure how much more of this I want to see." Apollo replies.

Motionless, Stonerman is mutilated by deadly vibrations of sound, his ears pierced by a frequency only used for combat. The overwhelming offense is simply too much. Even chronically baked, Stonerman has become a crippled punching bag.

Then the brownies kick in.

Green and purple flames extend up our hero's arms. Time slows down. The vibrations soaring across the air become somewhat visible. Stonerman unleashes a punch to the sound barrier with so much force that a whirlwind of wavelengths are directed back at the god of sound.

The maneuver destroys the sound barrier on Mars. Raw energy crumbles from the sky. Mars' mountains topple over, silent explosions scatter across the surface and mute fissures spread. The planet cracks in two then explodes without making a sound.

The two gods survive the blast but are left seriously injured. They drift into Mercury's gravitational pull. Martian debris plunges onto the planet's surface with the two unconscious bodies not too far behind.

Three minutes later.

Stonerman is the first to stir awake, with godly flames still at his fingertips, he sparks the wondrous bubbler and takes a rip. It seems that the noise has awakened the god of sound. Stonerman secures the bubbler onto his utility belt before he braces for battle.

The sound god harvests Mercury's thick atmosphere to create a sound barrier twice the strength of Earth's and triple that of Mars'. Sound energy crashes from the sky, the force is so heavy that it makes a sound never heard before this moment. The breakdown feels like the weight of a thousand worlds pulling down on Stonerman's body. He's not high enough to shatter through a barrier of this strength. Pinned against the grainy dirt, it feels like he's inside of a hydraulic press. The invisible force cracks and compresses his bones, but they do not break. At this point, Stonerman wishes he would sober up and die.

Mercury's gloom horizon may be the last image that Stonerman witnesses. Cloudless, cold, and bleak. Then the sky comes to life with a orange flash. The sound god hears something off in the distance.

A chariot pulled by two cheetahs darts across the gray landscape. The drunken god, Dionysus, swigs a special batch of wine, the kind that leaves you battle-hungry. He lets out a wild battle cry of his own as his chariot crashes directly into the sound god which blasts him straight off of his feet. With the sound god temporarily incapacitated on the gravel, the sound barrier returns to its normal state and Stonerman is freed from his painful prison.

Stonerman, Dionysus, and two armored cheetahs stand toe to toe with the unflinching god of sound. The sound god's blade is steady, his eyes locked on the outnumbering foes as his ribbons of honor flow in the cosmic wind.

"Let me handle this." Dionysus slurs his words.

He smashes an empty bottle of home brewed nectar on the ground, leaving Stonerman to regain what strength he can.

A symphony of lethal sound waves soar across the air just like before. However, Dionysus teeters and totters away from every single energy strike. His approach appears sluggish, yet the drunken god moves with clear precision. He uses his core to maintain control of his off-balanced movements. Each sloppy strike, every wild evasion, calculated and effective.

Dionysus flounders his way across a maze of deadly waveforms, strolling in to retaliate with a confused strike of his own. A frail of his fist, and a secondary swing that strikes like a fish diving out of water.

The sound god is too slow, even though he can hear Dionysus' attack pattern, he cannot respond fast enough.

Dionysus' feet are as heavy as Olympian stone. Rapid kicks that don't simply leave behind scorch marks, but destroy the god of sound's armor entirely.

The sound god squeals with a seventeen thousand decibel hypershrieeeeeeeeeeeek.

Thrown off balance, Dionysus stumbles back into a gust of sound energy, air rash rips his back like burning chainsaws. Blood rushes from both of his ears.

Stonerman swoops in to help, but the sound god retaliates with a seventeen thousand decibel ultrasonic squeal. Stonerman is too deaf for the attack to affect him which allows him to land a swift right knee to the exposed ribs followed by a punch to the sound god's ear.

The god of sound is temporarily unable to rely on sight, but still maintains a view of his surroundings using ultrasound. He evades Stonerman's next few blows by listing to his movements. This allows a moment to bait him in closer. With one premeditated move, the god of sound unleashes his lazer sword on the incoming foe, slicing upward through the "S" on Stonerman's chest. Leaving our hero lacerated, damn near sober, and defeated.

Meanwhile, back in the Fort, Apollo and Roger cannot believe what they are witnessing on Roger's all seeing eye protocol.

"It was supposed to be a fun little side adventure! Can't anyone be chill for five minutes!?" Apollo asks.

"Don't worry. Stonerman always saves the day. He always finds a way." Roger says, before taking a rip from a robotic bowl.

The scene on the monitor reeks of doom.

Mercury is drop dead silent.

The sound god stands prideful above his two fallen foes. He observes Stonerman as he hopelessly packs the Wondrous Bubbler. Who now realizes that neither of his lighters are able to light it, he's too sober to ignite it with his powers, and rubbing the bubbler isn't doing anything.

Stonerman opens his tired mouth, crying out to the Jihnn. But there is no sound. He may be deaf, but it's clear that no one else is responding. He can't even feel his vocal cords vibrate. Has the sound god somehow removed his ability to speak?

Inaudible screams. No matter how loud he tries to shout, not one syllable is heard.

Stonerman notices that Dionysus has been trying to communicate with him this entire time, but it's too late. The god of sound is done savoring his victory, he moves in for the final blow.

A defiant Dionysus refuses to go down this way. He brings himself to his feet, blood drips down his back, he extends his mighty fists to invite the sound god to an honorable battle to the death.

The god of sound stabs his lazer sword into the ground. Accepting the challenge.

Meanwhile, on Earth, Apollo and Roger have been busy coming up with a plan...

"Even if you could make it in time, which by my calculations, you won't. There wouldn't be an effective way to communicate with the Jihnn." Roger's voice is heavy. "But perhaps… Perhaps the ROACH unit can bring the bubbler here so you can make a wish!"

Without even awaiting an answer, Roger launches the ROACH unit into space. Now with nothing left to do but watch the battle on the monitor...

The god of sound strikes, however, the unpredictable movements of Dionysus continue to surprise, he performs a handspring into a backwards crab position, evading the attack. Remaining full crab, he launches himself with a head spin attack! Rotating on his head like a spinning top, he lands a brutal triple kick. Then ends with a swooping back fist to the face. Just as Dionysus shows signs of victory, the sound god resorts to his cheap tricks.

Sections of the sound barrier crash down onto both Dionysus and Stonerman. Stonerman is much more sober than before, the impact breaks every bone in his body. Dionysus cannot handle the force either. His organs silently compress from the pressure. He lays in a pool of everyone's blood, now as deaf as Stonerman.

A twilight arrow soars through the wind.

The arrow pierces the sound god's armor then engulfs his body in white flames that burn colder than the moon. The god of sound creates a contained sound barrier around himself to suffocate the flames-

Slice.

A Celtic blade strikes down the god of sound and Artemis' image illuminates Mercury's moonless sky.

She unties the two cheetahs strapped to the broken chariot. They tend to their master's wounds as Artemis looks over Stonerman's ruined corpse. She retrieves a grinder from her satchel, rolls some cannabis into a red rolling paper made of Amaranth flower, she ignites it with her twilight flame.

A thunderclap echoes from the sky. Stonerman was not able to hear it, but he sure felt it.

Dionysus nudges his head for the first time since getting sliced in the back. He motions to his pet cheetahs, faintly, he calls out…

"Take the boy… r-r-run."

The two cheetahs burrow their head underneath their master's body and hoist him onto the first cheetah's back. The second secures Stonerman then they take off before anyone can think. They move at speeds so fast that the forces of sound do not apply to them. Since the chariot has been destroyed by the sound barrier, they have no means of intergalactic travel. They accelerate at top speed, the world around them moves faster and faster until jumbling into a blue tapestry. The cheetah's race against time itself. They resort to spinning the entire planet backwards to reverse time. If they push their energy to the max, they will be able to run back to when this battle began.

Until, a figure teleports directly in front of them.

Zeus.

The two pets blimp backwards, but are yanked by the back of their necks. Their speed is no match for Zeus, who raises the animals above his head. The cheetahs try to escape using their raw speed. They vibrate so quickly that they phase in and out of existence while stuck inside the grip of Zeus. They cannot break free.

With zero escape, a lightning storm fries the two adorable pets into oblivion.

Zeus dumps the two corpses beside Dionysus' wheezing body.

His attention now on Artemis, who sheathes her sword and lowers her bow.

"Clean up your mess, then pay a visit to Asclepius." Zeus commands.

Artemis steps over to Dionysus' mutilated body.

"Not him." Zeus interrupts.

Artemis looks over to the motionless god of sound.

"You want me to take a dead body to the medical ward?" She replies.

"Xerodia." Zeus whispers.

The sound god's lazer sword glimmers for a fraction of a second.

"He's alive." Zeus answers.

Artemis kneels beside the burnt remains of the god of sound, while Zeus stands beside the fallen Dionysus.

"The pub is now Lugh's." He says.

A twilight arrow lunges through the air, hurtling toward the wondrous bubbler. Zeus moves at incomprehensible speed to intercept the arrow, blocking it with his own spine, igniting his entire back into white flame.

Zeus cries out in pain for the first time in millennia. This is Artemis' only chance. She continues her assault, firing an arrow after another. Then another. Back ablaze, Zeus wills through the pain and strides forward. Each step brings him closer to Artemis.

"I'm sorry that your brother has led you down this path."

"Stupid!" Apollo screams from behind the fort's monitor. "The ROACH isn't going to make it in time!"

"No wait! You can still wish-"

Apollo takes off at the speed of a jet engine, he blasts into orbit. There isn't long to save his friends.

The Mercury wind dies down. Zeus clutches his daughter by the neck. Slits it. Then cups the blood into his hands and pours it onto his own burning back to douse the flames. He continues to cut into her gut to retrieve a lot more blood. Artemis' brilliant glow dies before hitting the ground.

He walks over to Stonerman, who pathetically reaches for the flower joint, his arm too mangled.

Zeus picks it up instead.

"So, this really is the source of your power?.. This accursed plant." Zeus says. "Look at where it's brought you... Hmph. You can't even hear me."

Zeus lights the joint with a bolt of lightning then tosses it on the ground.

"I'll allow you some final words. I have my curiosity about you."

Stonerman's broken arm can barely pick it up. The pain of bringing it up to his mouth causes his nerves to burn, his entire body quivers. He looks like a living car wreck, however, the joint is quick to heal his bones, his wounds begin to fade… The high pitched ringing in his ears returns. He can't stand, but he can hear again. Barely.

"Who are you?" Zeus asks.

"The defender of earth." Stonerman answers.

"Oh?" Zeus says amused. "Why would you ever defend such a thing?"

"Someone has to. Someone who shines a light that no darkness can put out. Who proves that pot and positivity always prevails. If the so-called king of the gods would rather abandon my planet than help it, then I can be that. I will always be that. As guardian of earth, I ask you to kindly leave in peace!"

"... Disgusting- I regret letting you speak."

Blue lightning rains onto Stonerman's flesh. His skin boils and corrodes from the inside out. His brown hair fades to bleach-white. The all seeing eye protocol explodes. Homer sobers up and his organs pop like water balloons.

A colossal war hammer plated in Olympian emerald is summoned from the sky. Zeus takes hold, raises it above his head, but he hesitates when he notices something on Stoneman's utility belt.

He steps over. Curious, he retrieves the wondrous bubbler. It is critically damaged, but not destroyed.

"Wishing magic."

The king of the gods tucks the magic bubbler into his sash. Then brings the hammer down onto Stonerman's skull.

Tonight a hero falls.

Chapter 5: The End Of The World Party

{Prelude To The War Of The Gods Part 2}

"Stealing a wish isn't always as easy as it seems."

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